[Editor’s Note: Annnnd another one! Retired NFL baller Bob Whitfield is on a role with his relationship rants. He first graced us with 7 Reasons Why Women Cheat, then he came back with my personal favorite “L.O.V.E. is a Non MuthaF*ckin FACTOR!”  and now he takes the SFTA platform yet again, with “She Smashed a Homie”. 

Bob gives love advice like only a divorced man can, so I have to state that I have absolutely NOTHING to do with his commentary. And while Bob certainly has a way with words that makes me feel ‘some kinda way,’  this post consists of HIS views and opinions and do not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of me >> ATLien! So without further adieu… feel free to read, roast and enjoy!]

Its a troubling thought when a woman says it would ruin the friendship if sex were to happen. So in the alternative you choose for sex with an un-friendly man. So that with your male best friend you complain about that dude your having sex with.

Is there a man out there, (no-homo in my boondocks voice) that would not thoroughly satisfy their female best friend at the drop of a hat, or drop of them draws?

Is being their confidant a replacement for being their freak?

The burden of a woman’s emotion is heavy. It’s his commitment for being her confidant, being her sounding board for rational thought, being her support… the whole love, honor, and respect thing that only a “real best friend” can maintain.

Its for all of that lifting, that she should be bending that ass over the back of the sofa for the homie, lover, friend.

Sex won’t change the relationship. Think of it as GRATITUDE.

You CAN smash the homie.

Consider the fact that your male “friend” counterpart has been given a lot of the gory details of all the other people you dated, and where others would judge or condemn your dating regimen as slightly whorish (with a gold digging flare); its your “best friend” that is there to comfort your nasty ass and not pass any judgment.

Its your “best friend” who you call after the bad date trying to analyze why men do certain things; that same “friend” that is your date to the office party cause he won’t embarrass you.

Its that friend that protects your honor from them other alpha male gorillas, risking life and limb for their damsel in crowded night club distress.

Women, fuck your best friend as soon as a you think that your best friend is the best man you got. Literally, start screwing NOW! Then you can decide if your best friend is the total package with a nice package.

Its understood that you may not like your best friend sexually, but remember, show your GRATITUDE.

No more hugs and hi-fives for you ‘ace boon coon’. Yes, you have been friends since the third grade and you never ever showed one iota of lust for your crony; however, for all that a best friend has to contend with, sex him, IMMEDIATELY!

Your best friend is ride or die… so RIDE him, IMMEDIATELY!

Your best friend has got your back, so spoon him IMMEDIATELY!

Your best friend should be bestowed the luxurious warmth of your loin just for being your best friend.

After the sex, go back to being best friends that opted in for the occasional random booty call. What would be the worst thing that could happen?

You may just want to be with your best friend anyway.

These words of life and actuality are from Bob Whitfield’s doctrine for Male Existence the ‘L.M.O.T.T.P.’

[Editors note part deux: I need to make a phone call… IMMEDIATELY!]

Ladies, do you have a male “BFF” that you wouldn’t mind upgrading to BF status?