Fantasia Barrino was featured on VH1’s Behind the Music last night (August 24) where she discussed her suicide attempt and admits it wasn’t an accident at all.
I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out. At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that.
She says she wasn’t happy when she woke up in the hospital and realized her suicide attempt “didn’t work” — until her nurse, Melody, told her to get up and fulfill her destiny.
Most felt it was her relationship with her married boyfriend Antwuan Cook and his wife putting Tasia on blast in the media that prompted the suicide attempt… [READ: Fantasia’s Married Boyfriend’s Wife Seeks Revenge! Reveals Sex Tape!!] But Tasia admits that although that may have been a contributing factor, it was a combination of years of struggles and hard times.
From there, the episode delves deep into Fantasia’s North Carolina roots — beginning with when she began singing (at age 5), then tracing her first love (ex-boyfriend Brandel Shouse, the father of her daughter, Zion), which would later turn into an abusive relationship. “He was somebody I was crazy about,” Barrino said. “The first guy who showed me attention.”
In case you missed it, watch the FULL EPISODE of Fantasia’s Behind the Music episode:
Barrino recounted how in high school she started to crave attention in other ways, by wearing tight clothing, acting like she was already an adult, until her world was turned upside down after she was raped at her high school at age 14. “I didn’t even cry my way home,” she said of her feelings after the assault. “I was numb, very numb, confused, I just felt nasty. Disgusting.”
What’s even more than that vicious act, was the fact that Tasia’s own father blamed HER for being attacked in school.
“I’m not putting the blame on her but when you dress like that you’re saying ‘hey there’s a party over here’…
Fantasia wasn’t even 15 years old at the time and she was scared and decided not to press charges. Barrino said she was unable to continue going to school because of the taunts and harassment from her classmates, so she dropped out and then “turned into a rebel,” until her hard-partying and careless ways landed her pregnant at 17. Unable to support herself and her daughter, Barrino began singing professionally, taking any gigs that paid, until she saw an episode of “American Idol” and fought her way into an audition.
The rest of Barrino’s story is familiar to “Idol” fans: She was crowned the winner of season three, which she called “the best day of my life,” signed to a record contract with Clive Davis and was the first new artist to have a single debut at #1.
Barrino’s post-“Idol” career path wasn’t smooth sailing, however. The young singer once again found herself nearly bankrupt after dealing with corrupt managers and legal woes, but she received new hope after being cast in “A Color Purple” on Broadway. From there, the episode delved into the star’s recent lows — a scare with throat tumors, which she had surgically removed — and her relationship with Antwaun Cook and the lawsuit from his ex-wife, Paula, which led to her suicide attempt last week.
“I realize how people end up in the grave because of that one moment,” she said of that dark day. “Feeling like they can’t go on [because] it’s too heavy, that’s somewhere I never want to go again.”
Fortunately, the episode ended on a high note, with Barrino proudly receiving her GED and walking in a graduation ceremony with the 2010 class of her former high school, St. Andrews.
[CLICK HERE for photos + video of Fantasia’s 2010 High School graduation]
“I know that I am beautiful and special,” Barrino said. “I am who I am — and that’s what makes me Fantasia.”
This was a great episode and I’m glad Fantasia finally spoke out about all the negativity. All in all it could very well be a well orchestrated plan for promotion of her album (which hit stores yesterday – 8/24) and if it is… I ain’t mad.
Make that money Tasia!