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So I was randomly perusing the net the other night and for sh*ts and giggles I googled “marrying up”… (don’t judge me).
What I found was a wikipedia page on “hypergamy”…
Hypergamy (colloquially referred to as “marrying up”) is the act or practice of seeking a spouse of higher looks, socioeconomic, caste or status than oneself.
The term is often used more specifically in reference to a perceived tendency among human cultures for females to seek or be encouraged to pursue male suitors that are higher status than themselves, which often manifests itself as being attracted to men who are comparatively older, wealthier or otherwise more privileged than themselves.
Yes people… there’s an actual term for desiring to marry someone who’s better looking, smarter and/or wealthier than you.
But is “hypergamy” the same as “gold digging”?
For the record, ‘Gold Digger” has it’s own wikipedia page, where it’s described as “slang” meaning a greedy woman.
[Sidebar: so men can't be gold diggers? who knew?!]
With ‘gold digger’ being a greedy woman, it seems that “hypergamy” is a more favorable term that could reference both genders. However, the logic behind the practice would still refer to the woman as the one doing the “hypergamying” (did I just make up a word?)…
According to evolutionary psychologists, females have evolved a preference for higher status males because they offer their prospective children both “better” genes and greater resources, e.g. food and security.
Men, who invest less in their children, have less reason to prefer mates with high social status.
Some have even argued that men “marry-down” to ensure that their mates have a higher incentive to remain faithful.
Dayum that’s deep! But while it all kinda makes sense when you think about it, the trend of both gold digging and hypergamy may be slowing dying out.
Back in the day, marrying the boss was the way a secretary escaped her social background, catapulting her into a higher stratum of income, networks and cultural sophistication.
Fast forward to the new millennium and many women have surpassed men in education and are catching up with them in the job market. Sociologists and economists call this ‘assortative mating’ i.e. choosing a spouse with similar educational achievements and incomes.
Attorneys used to marry their secretaries. Now they marry other attorneys. Doctors used to marry nurses. Now they marry other doctors.
By the way… theres also a word for “marrying down”…. “hypogamy” typically refers to instances of the inverse occurring: marrying a person of lower social class or status.
Now you have two new words to add to your vocabulary. (Thank me later)
Q: Do you feel there’s a difference between “gold digging” and “hypergamy” or are they one and the same?
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IMO, yes there is a difference between hypergamy and gold digging, especially by this definition. By this definition, MOST people practice hypergamy because it doesn’t just state financially but by STATUS or LOOKS. This means that when you say "I’m going to the club to find me a FINE dude" and reject a man that approaches you at the club because of said looks, then that is hypergamy. Hypergamy could also refer to a hood chick just trying to get with the local respected dope boy, he doesn’t have more money but his STATUS in local area would be a step-up from where she is now.
A gold digger however is just that. I am going to do whatever so that I can have a mate with money, at the expense of ignoring all, or at least most, other aspects of said mate.
Well said!!
Now that gave me a laugh out loud moment!
I firmly believe that there is a difference, hypergamy in my opinion is finding someone that you want to settle down with(looking for someone that has achieved more will help the situation). While a gold digger is someone who wants to f…k aroundwith anyone to fulfil a want and not a need.
Clearly there is a difference.
Naomi Campbell dates a billionaire. She’s not labeled a gold digger. Janet Jackson dates a billionaire she is not a gold digger.
There is nothing wrong with pursuing a man that can give you what you are looking for…some people want more than others.
I do think there is a difference but a very thin line.I think this is an interesting post.I think the difference is that gold digging has the implication that one is being duped…hypergamy is an arrangement among the two parties it’s a marriage in which the person with the wealth, looks(trophy wife), status knows they are marrying down and it’s a unsaid understanding there is no victim because they both know what they are looking signing up for where as a gold digger is jumping from bed to bed heart to heart all for the sake of money leaving a trail of victims behind…atleast that is what i got
There is definitely a difference between gold digging and someone who is just simply looking for a better life. A woman looking for a better life may have been abused, neglected by her family growing up, or was somehow held back by certain circumstances that prevented her from coming up on her own, and may just be looking to finally escape. It does not mean she is greedy, but just looking for a better life and may not want to raise her children in the environment she wishes to escape. In other words, she may just be trying to break the cycle. It is usually uneducated women to refuse to get educated, like Sheree, who fall into the category of a greedy gold digger. If gold digging is dying off, it’s because men have gotten smarter and/or gold diggers are realizing they may not be getting much when/if they get a divorce.
That last sentence said it all. It kills me when these mates have so much money at their disposal and use it for bags instead of opening up a business or learning about something your passionate about. I know a woman who is married to a very wealthy man but she runs (and owns) an art gallery because you have something that is yours to fall back on.
She played it smart. I know a woman who married up and instead of getting educated or a career she got breast implants and her nails and hair done every week. Her husband got rid of her and took the kids and his money with him. She’s left with nothing but the 1994 Lexus he had, and a few hundred dollars a month from him for spousal support for about 4 years. Now she’s trying to get educated cause she has no other choice. She should have been doing that while she was living off of him.
I think i know her too. Is her first name "Sheree"?
uneducated women *who refuse
Seem to be one in the same. Nowadays I see more successful women in the workplace then I see men. Even in HS and college, women seem to take their studies more seriously. Men and women still "marry up" all the time. Once you have an "IN" into their circle you align yourself with someone who is already well established within that circle of money. Then you trade up until you are at the level you desire. See it all the time.
[...] Gold-digging verus hypergamy, is there a difference- StraightfromtheA [...]
The photo examples you used are SPOT ON! lol
Hyper gamy and gold digger appears to be similar but it is the intentions of the invindual that defines the meaning of the word.
A female of a hypergamous nature that attracted to male of means and status will be securing he own finance independence usually way before she meets the male. She usually has the success and career to back her up aka beyonce, kim.k, janet jackson, oprah, etc.
A gold digger will do nothing for herself or have some soft career and try to catch the guy by just happened to be there all the while here intent was to meet and sucker the dude for the beginning. Your urban models, groupies, and women on the come up fit the profile.
Guys have to screen these women by accepting the physical attraction and then looking at he life’s work. Does she has the skills to flow in those type of Social circles, is she getting her business, what her circle of associates like. How is she livings and what does she own.
Bottom line is a hypergamous female will be accumulating things of means and status on her own with real business creditability, and valuable careers just the opposite of the good diggers.