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There’s been a lot of talk about teens today and their careless attitudes towards sex.
In addressing the issue, many have referred to today’s teens as “hyper-sexual 14 year old girls,” and while the young boys are definitely at fault as well, it goes without saying that we all must play a part in educating our youth.
Amber Cole’s real father came forward recently to address all the hoopla surrounding that fateful viral video, but another “father” has come forward to give a different post of view: the importance of a father in a young girls life.
I promise you… it’s a MUST read!
I am Amber Cole’s father. I am angry, confused and completely at a loss. I love my daughter. I want to guide her without suppressing her. That is not always easy. Children need protection from their worst inclinations. That is not always easy. I am trying to convince her that the world will still love her if she keeps her clothes on.
I do not know if she can hear me, or if she is listening. She would listen to her mother, if her mother was not busy. Doing something, anything that is not parenting. I want her mother to spend less time being “empowered” and more time being aware and engaged with our daughter. I want her mother to be a better role model, not a BFF. It takes two.
I am Amber Cole’s father and this should go with saying: I am angry with those boys. But I knew those boys. Those boys were my friends. I grew up with those boys, hung out with those boys. But I was always The Other Guy – the boy you do not see on the tape. The one who, because of religious beliefs, self-respect or common sense decides to have no parts of such a thing. He is a nerd. He is an outsider. He is long gone, at home reading and writing.
I want to meet The Other Guy and shake his hand. I’m trying to raise The Other Guy. But it is not easy. Girls don’t like The Other Guy. Being the Other Guy is not as cool as being one of the boys. I want to raise my boy to not be that kind of cool. Being a gentleman is cool. I want him to get the chance I did not have. I want him to to wait for that special girl.
I am Amber Cole’s father and I have seen the video. You probably have too. I would like to ask her mother’s boyfriend, Karrine Steffans or Kim Kardashian where my daughter learned that. How she became proficient at such a difficult act. I want to know who has been teaching my little girl how to act like a woman while I have been trying to teach her to be a young lady.
Teens don’t have the tools they need to express, explore and comprehend the consequences of careless intimacy. I want to know what kinds of people we are allowing to look after our children when we are not around. I want to know why my 14 year-old knows so much about oral sex.
I am Amber Cole’s father, and I am not raising a slut. White feminists can teach their own little girls to find empowerment through their crotches – my brown little girl cannot afford to be that carefree and cavalier with her life choices. Slutlife is the hard, lonely vocation of rich, educated, privileged white women who will fuck The World, contract social diseases and still, somehow find a husband. No black woman ever got far being a slut.
I want to know what kind of women “slutwalk,” while young impressionable girls of all kinds look on with wonder and admiration. I want to know why these same women run to protect Mylie Cyrus but just shrugged, nonplussed for my little brown girl. I want to know what the fuck those dumb bunnies are thinking. Most of them do not have daughters. I want my daughter, the woman, to have healthy, vibrant sexuality. My little girl should have other priorities. I am her father. I will protect her and every woman in my life with my life.
I am Amber Cole’s father. Don’t ask where I was that afternoon, because you already know. I was at work, just like you. I do not live with her, cannot always talk to her, cannot always be there. Not the way I want, and there are few laws to help me. To protect me and my rights. No one cares that I cannot be the kind of father I would like to be, until my daughter is a link, a hashtag, a trending topic. A punch-line.
The subject of what may be the most widely seen piece of child pornography in history: A 14 year-old giving oral while two other boys watch and laugh. You say what you would do, what you would say, but you have no idea. We are all great parents with other people’s children. You blame me. Do not judge me. I love my daughter as much as you love yours. I am doing the best I can.
I need the help of a partner who at times seems to be modeling the kind of behavior I am discouraging. We are fighting. Pushing and pulling, in no one’s best interest. Why can’t this be about my daughter? No, this is not about blame. It takes a village that starts with parents — all parties must be accountable. But parenting? Yeah. To do it well–even after all these years –it still takes two.
Kid sex is as old as time, but that realization doesn’t make me feel any better. Amber Cole is my daughter.
I am jimi izrael. I am not really Amber Cole’s father. But she is my daughter.
You do not think so. But she is your daughter too.
I cried when I read this the first time.
Men… father your daughters and take heed to those words. Only you can prevent another ‘Amber Cole’….
What are your thoughts on the open letter from Amber Cole’s “Father”?
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Good Read!
A father in his daughter life makes all the difference in the world.
This man’s letter was profound.Why are we quick to judge someone else’s child,but what if Amber Cole were you daughter.
theyaren’t thinking that way the yare all high n mighty computer bloggers that have the perfect fake life…so quick to judge…what a shame
i wonder where are their kids at right now…do they know what their kids are doing at this moment?…not hardly
and last but not least what were they doing as teenagers when their parents weren’t looking?????
Are parents more concerned with being their child’s friend as opposed to being a parent?
who said he wanted to be her friend …go back and read the letter again…and pay attention
This does not sound like the author is actually her father, but that it is any black man metaphorically speaking about Amber Cole as she is in her iconic state. From that perspective I have no sympathy for the author as he is blaming the mother of the child, society and not himself. Typical Black Man. Had he committed to marrying the mom of his child and then committed to raising his family and his child IN the home this probably wouldnt have happened. 71% of Black children are born into single parent female led households. The vast majority of our children are being half-raised. As such, they act out by sucking dicks on cam and shooting indiscriminately off of rooftops. Our children NEED fathers in the home, NOT baby daddies pointing fingers when shit goes awry.
Well said
even if he had married the mom this incident could still have taken place…marriage isnt the cure all to all parenting issues/ problems if that were so there wouldn’t be a thing called divorce…smh
Did you even read the letter??? He said he isn’t the child’s father but that she represents so many lost young girls in our society who need a supportive male and female role model in their lives to help guide them to make right choices. Our kids are overwhelmed with images in music, reality shows, youtube, blogs, etc…. so WE all need to be held accountable.
you said "we all need to held accountable"…so what are YOU doing to fix the problem???
and yes i read he article..now you answer the question please…
wow thats a letter that still has taking me thru 2 know a fathers love just 2 say this she is 14 ..c’mon
BLAH, BLAH,BLAH. SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR DAUGHTER INSTEAD OF WRITING HOOKS. BLAMING KIM AND KARRINE. PLEASE THIS SOME BULL ISH. THERER IS NO EXCUSE MONITOR YOUR CHILDREN PEOPLE. TALK WITH THEM ON A DAILY BASIS. PLEASE DISTANT CHILDREN ARE FROM DISTANT PARENTS.
are you parent of the year?..i dont think so…yes it was a terrible incident but even the "monitored" children fall between the cracks…
Distant children are from distant parents. Couldn’t have said it better myself. That’s the truth right there. People just don’t want to accept it. Its always easy to blame society or famous people for your shortcomings as a parent. Society is not in your home, putting food on your table, reading to your child, instilling values in your child, caring for them when they are ill and praising them when they do right and punishing them when they do wrong. That is your job as a parent and if its too hard a job then don’t have kids.
Like I said, the momma is proably a ho and that’ where the girl learned it from. She didn’t wake up and decide this path, it was decided for her by people she knew and trusted. LEAD BY EXAMPLE!
Nice “A”rticle!!
If you want to know where mine are while I’m writing hooks "In my ear drilling me on civics questions" and I’m answering them all right while trying to teach somebody else something.
huh?..what???
People that say huh can hear or read for the matter. You asked if I was mother of the year, I’ll accept that award. By no means am I fronting like my child is the second coming, but I can say that the seed that my husband and I have planted in our children is blooming into something beautiful. By your irrelevant comments I hope that you do not have kids because you just don’t get it if you don’t see the validity in out quotes.
i have children that are now adults who are college educated /degreed/and gainfully employed…i did a fantastic job as a single parent but in the interim i didnt go around downgrading others for the mistakes that they made…and furthermore i said "huh" and "what" (being sarcastic)because your little homemade quote looked a bit silly…thanks and have a great day…if you can
i also see that you mentioned that you will accept the parent of the year award then you go on to say that "you and your husband" planted seeds in your children…(excuse me while i giggle)
well sadly i’m going to snatch your imaginary award away seeing that i’ve done the work of a two parent family at a far greater extent…sorry… but nice try im sure you all did the best that you could with the small resources that you had…
This is in reference to your comment below. Small resources? ( that’s what’s laughable). This conversation is the extent of what you know of me and furthermore while your children maybe educated and such by your comments I think otherwise of you. Your the one on here judging others for excising our right for free speech! But I digress , for merely your just on here conjuring up argument for like you said your kids are grown and gainfully employed and so this topic no longer pertains to you.
i can engage in any conversation on what ever topic as i choose..freedom of speech..no argument …just freely speaking my mind…
If the momma is a ho, the daughter will be a ho.
A father is not what is needed. A GOOD FATHER is what is needed. You can be in the home but if you can’t keep in clean and keep love inside then you might as well not be there at all.
He mentions Kim Kardashian and Karrin Steffans. Those two don’t even belong in the same sentence.
Karrine got abused as a child and stopped caring about herself and sought a dollar wherever she could find one. Kim got accidentally famous, thanks to her friend Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Ray J, and the fame went to her head. She turned it into a business and her mother is right by her side. Apples and Oranges.
What’s happened here is that the parents stopped giving a damn and society has put sex and money above everything.
The best thing you can do for your child is to not look to society for parenting tips and not think that because somebody else does something that its ok for you to do it too.
People have gotten lazy, have gotten dumb, and have lost their sense of self-worth. It is especially true of females. Shameful!
Preeeeeeeach!!!!
This is so true. It’s a shame how so many young girls, (not just black) have done this. It’s not about being married or nothing. my mom has raised 4 kids by herself the youngest is 16 and the oldest will be 20 in nov. im the only girl. we came out A okayy. graduated and all. Im a pre med student at an university and i came out okayy without a father. We need men to protect and teach young ladies to not fall into the schemes of society and people. we need men to teach their daughters about life itself and guide us through. Being married isnt going to solve the issue of a young lady giving oral sex or being promiscuous. You also can’t blame the mother because what if she really was doing everything she could do. You also cant blame celeberties because it’s all entertainment. I say dont point the fingers at nobody because it’s nobody’s fault. Amber cole was caught up in a scheme that got her bad publicity!
Bottom line is…if you’re not a parent, don’t judge. And if you’re not a parent, you really have nothing to offer to a conversation like this because as someone who doesn’t have kids and understand the DAILY trials and tribulations of kids, your words are mere chatter. I have a 10 year old daughter. I talk to my daughter daily. We have date night EVERY Friday night. She tells me everything from the time she gets on the school bus until I get to her at the end of the school day. Her sperm donor (my ex HUSBAND) is a visitor when he gets the time. I have allowed my daughter to start making her own decision if she wants to spend that time with him or not. Point is-this has nothing to do with marriage. This has nothing to do with the ignorant stupid little boys who videotaped her. Yes, they do need to get to the bottom of where this originated. They do need to figure out why she felt the need to do such adult actions. People need to stop blaming everybody else for what their kids do. And yes, sometimes, even the parents are not responsible. You can raise your child as you see fit, the best you can, even the best that society says she should be raised…that does NOT mean, those are the roads children will take. I only HOPE AND PRAY my daughter will take with her throughout life the things that I have tried to teach her and will continue teaching her. We can’t blame society or how white women live on how our children turn out. What we need to be teaching them is that THIS is the way society is, this IS the way society treats you and WE are treated differently in society. And handle all that ish accordingly!!!!
That was Beautiful,,We Have 2teach our Daughters,Granddaughters,,Nieces,Cuzns,Friends,,that they are GOD’S Angels,,2Get there education,,Go 2Church,,It Takes A Village 2Raise a Child,,U Teach them Young,,That They Are BEAUTIFUL,Nstill all that n them,,When they Bcome Teenagers&The Lil ugly Boy Try 2Holla,,,They’ll Tell Em I Know I’m FINE&I’m Saving All This 4GOD 2Send Me A Husband,,I Know it Works,,I’ve Done it& Still Doing it With My Grandgirls,,,,What u NSTILL N Your Babies Young,,It Stays With Them 4Tha Rest Of There Life,,,,Hallelujah Thank U JESUS!!!!!!! God Bless Amber Cole,,
Can’t Blame It On Kim Kardashian Or Karrine,,It’s Parenting just cause u have a baby that Don’t Mean U Know How 2Parent,,If u don’t know ,,Go Take Some Parenting Classes,,EeeeeRrrrrrGeneration Gotta B BETTA Than The Last!!!!!!!
@ newmeknowyou…lol..enjoy therest of your day..no argument like i said just freely expressing my thoughts just as you are…
(smh @small minded people trying to appear larger than life via computer)…lol
Child please really, "living larger than life via the computer" there is nothing in my comments that are out of the ordinary to make me appear as you say larger than life. I noticed that you post replies on a number of other people comments. You are just a sad little man seeking attention via the internet because otherwise in real life you would be insignificantly PASSED by. The only reason why I’m giving you a piece of my time is for the same reason I’m on this site, purely for entertainment! Now sit yourself in a corner and reflect on that.
I have read a lot of the comments and I’m just SMH…
I am a 33 yr old black woman from Bed-Sty Brooklyn, NY. I came from a single parent home in which my mother was a crack addict. At the time I was 11, I had two younger brothers- an 8 yr old and the other was an infant. There were days/nights my mother was not home and I took care of myself and my brothers-cooked,cleaned and was the one searching for her when my brothers went to sleep at night. We ended up in fostercare, we spent three years in foster care only to be released to the care of our grandmother. There was a lot things I have seen but I didnt go act them out.
I say all of this because IMO a part of this is young Amber Cole’s responsiblity to bear. It is not beacause how many parents you have in the home, if your father married your mother, if you were abused or not. you cannot blame everyone else and hold no accountablity for your own actions.
Atlien, Hi,I couldn’t read the really small print of NewMeKnowYou and Shad’s conversation, because the print was too small or fine for me to read.Could we go back and forth the old way:posting comments as we go along without the reply button..just a suggestion.Sometimes I may not post but I just lurk and read the comments from the posters.
This whole situation is sad from the parents to Amber and the boys involved. My question is why do we raise our daughters and coddle our sons? We preach about how "as a community" we need to raise our daughters to respect themselves, carry themselves with pride, get an education, save yourself for marriage, wait until GOD sends you the perfect mate and we should teach them that BUT shouldn’t we "as a community" be teaching our sons the same thing? Why is nothing said when young boys are disrepecting themselves and others by their actions. Im not trying to throw blame because like i said earlier it’s a sad situation. BUT maybe just maybe if we started "raising" our sons the way we raise our daughters things would turn out different…just a thought
If this had been written by anyone but jimi izreal I would take it seriously but this dude has a history of bashing black women.
Ok we get. your her father, you dont need to address that fact every paragraph